The Skin I Live In

The Skin I Live In

I thought I had to deal with the pain
I carry inside since I was born.

The pain of knowing that the world has never had
a place for me
I could say to belong to
where I've could have found someone,
a guy,
telling me I belong to you.

I thought that if I've started
to look at this pain
instead of always dodge it
I might really have let it behind me
and start living.

But now that I'm facing my pain
how can I go beyond myself?

How do I tear the bound
that has always prevented me
from beeing into the world
and reach out to a world that never wanted me?
How can I really believe that there will be someone to belong to
if in my life I've always been alone?

If in my life there has never been anyone that really wanted me ?

Why this terrible despair that removes the air from my lungs
is always leading me to the infamous shame
I carry inside from the very first time
I wanted someone
without ever find in him the pale shadow of the desire I had for him ?

The awful truth
of not being loved
of not being wanted,
 is the skin I  live in.

And there is no way for me to reach out without succumb to pain.
And, beside that, how can you get out of your own skin?

'cause, in the end, all this pain I breath
is the pain before birth
or is the one before I die?